I live remembering death

When the cat's away, the mice will play.

Looks like it's time to start thinking about that better mousetrap.




Autumn's here, stuffy noses season. We sell homeopathic seasonal allergy treatments. And don't forget to pick up some hand lotion for those cranked-up heater days, while you're here.

Always did like winter better.

So Quincy-san and Idiot-san tried to tell you the annual 411, did they? Oh look, it's a horse I can beat to death to procrastinate for another thirty minutes. ♥

The truth is that shinigami are none of your damn business, and you should try to ignore them at all costs. They shouldn't even have to be acknowledged to you in your daily lives. They're like fungus or something, they appear where dead organic matter is and move stuff along.

And without being too moralizing or us-and-them about things, the Quincy did the same thing, except they just stamped out what was nasty instead of sending it away for recycling until it got better. It's a pretty good effort, considering the fact that they were never working with the full rulebook to begin with, if you get my picture.

Either way, it's just more bureaucracy, and you can't fight city hall. Well, you can't win anyway.

But you can irritate the crap out of them from far away easily enough.

The arrancar are even more none of your business, except that you should stay away because they're heartless sociopaths and they still owe me for damage to private property.

The same goes for the vizards. It's pretty much all none of anyone's business.

I just want all of you to know that it is OKAY to be gay! Especially you teenagers out there with your burning youthful hearts! You see, if you truly desire and love someone, then nothing can stand in the way of your relationship!

If your feelings are any less than whole-hearted and honest, throw them away, but true love will conquer all obstacles! Gender and race and shady history of cultural genocide! ♥





By the way, Kurosaki-san, the Ishida-san's color scheme really clashes with your hair. But the cape looks a lot more dashing and less silly than I would have imagined.

...wait, what?


[ooc: vaguely cursed, and contributing to solving the lack of Bleach musical on the flist today >.>]

Hitsugaya-san, that thing you wanted is going to take a little longer than expected. I'm pretty sure I could survive a high-voltage electric shock, but I'm also pretty sure I don't want one.

Gonna need one of those expensive, fancy buckets for the mop today.

Howdy! I might need to re-arrange some open hours at the Urahara Shop if I can't find some temporary help, not that Arisawa-san isn't the most cute and cheerful extra help to begin with. As far as my job at the prison, that should be only generally affected. I'll be sending an official statement the prison way about my, hahaha, current limitations.

My arm's broke. Apologies to whoever this hassles, maybe I should start getting my three-a-day of dairy and this wouldn't happen!

Speaking of which~ Oh~♥ Kurosaki-san. You're a better wrestler than I thought! ♪




( (lengthy ooc note of hellplot effects and other stuff )

[ooc: Mostly making this poast so that I don't have to explain ten times wtf I am doing on this curse and irritate people while I go back and rape my crew with tags. Road Not Taken scenario: what if Kisuke hadn't missed on his one good shot. He's still a captain, and the Hogyouku was never discovered, and he's still trying to figure out how to destroy it. all tags assumed voice from Urahara!]

I'm not cursed.

But I would like to be, and I have a pair of handcuffs right here! Covered in suede for extra comfort! So if anyone is interested in playing pretend for the day~♪!

NEED NOT APPLY:

women under sixteen (cougars are fine)
men
Kurosaki-san (stop stalking me)
women with cold feet
women with cold hearts
uglies (fat chicks are fine)

[ooc: links totally ic because urahara is an internets hate machine.]

You guys, having a real job kind of sucks! Not that I'm not grateful to be working an honest job at the prison and managing a small business, but you know, to be totally honest I used to only get about two human customers a week! Say, life is hard. ♥


Anyway, what was it-- OH! Necessaries for the last few days of Tanabata festival. Time to go shopping. ♥


HAS

beer (by the bottle)
roman candles
sparklers
tiny fountains
various sparky spinny things
non-perishables and other food service items
bamboo skewers
charcoal
a shiny new jinbei

(this one doesn't smell like a prison and aftershave)


DON'T HAS

beer (by the keg)
wine (the better kind)
perishables and produce
a shred of good sense left
and most importantly

ALL of YOU!

The beautiful weather is even more beautiful after a summer cold snap!



Beginning today and lasting until August Seventh, by this place's lunar calendar, my shop will be carrying the necessaries for Tanabata and have available free snacks of the festive variety for most of the day. I expect some degree of respecting my generosity for those of you who are big eaters, even if I happen to be napping occupied and not at the storefront.

Kurosaki-san and his people are of course cordially and personally invited, especially you, Kuchiki-san the shorter, as well as those of the Gotei who would put certain things aside for the day, of course, in the spirit of the festival. Two stars, which are usually separated from each other by the expanse of the milky way, are able to meet for a short while.

Any and All curious about the festival are invited to come. Wine for the adults, sparkling pink lemonade for the children, infirm, and the incapable of holding their liquor. Bring some food! Who doesn't love a pot luck?

To those of us afraid to get our paws wet, snow in summer is refreshing as a thunderstorm in a drought!

...or as snow in summer. ♥


That said, the Urahara Shop carries home-made syrups which are more than excellent for snow cones. Strawberry, melon, lemon-lime and tutti frutti!

[ooc: Urahara has spent his time off today making cardboard snow sharks. He specifically set out to make them in places where people who are irritated by him frequent, but feel free to be a victim of snow-sharking.]

Grocery shopping is always better in the summer with a breeze on your bottom, but this simple shop-owner wants everyone to know that THE URAHARA SHOP SELLS A VARIETY OF SUNSCREENS, EVEN SOME FOR YOUR TENDEREST OF AREAS.

It seems like the deities are on my side today. I ask for nudity, and the City gives me more than any hot-blooded man can hope to appreciate in twenty-four hours. So far to add to the list of 'seen it':

Ukitake-san
Ise-san
Probably you.

Where did I put that digital camera...Yoruichi-san, can I have my hat back yet? I feel naked without her! I mean, I am naked, but...I feel vulnerable-like without that hat!

People I Would Like To See Naked

Nearly everyone, especially Yoruichi-san, Rangiku-san, Jones-san, George-san, Hawkeye-san, Kuchiki-san (both of them), Inoue-san, Arisawa-san, Ayasegawa-san, Kurotsuchi-san (both of them). Probably you.

People I Wouldn't Like To See Naked

Ishida-san (both of them)
Hitsugaya-san
That newbie Kenpachi I've seen around

People I Regret Having Seen Naked

Kurosaki-san (both of them)

[filtered from arrancar | traitorgami | kurosaki ichigo]

Another year, another candle on the cake to those of us who are still counting.

Some of us just need to make sure that we don't end up burning all of our candles at both end.

Happy birthday, Kurosaki Ichigo-san and Arisawa Tatsuki-chan.

( [ooc note of doom about Ichigo's party] )

[ a shaky video appears in the entry, about thirty seconds long and obviously taken with a cheap camcorder. the video shows an image of the front of the Urahara Shop, where the two officers that George sent to take Urahara in are generally unharmed but unconscious and tied shibari-style on the sidewalk. ]

I've been at the prison most of the day, so let this serve as a warning to anyone else tempted to mess with what's mine.

GET OFF MY LAWN!



[ooc: George doesn't like Urahara's sense of humor. She sent men after him and they messed up his shop looking for contraband pretty well before he figured out what was going on. He whipped them good but he's pretty butthurt about the property damage.]

Every year that passes always seems to pass a little slower, as age destroys our sense of time and scale. The older you get, the less you remember about the beginning and the less you fear the end.

There's something very important to never forget, though. We'll call it a word from the wise:

Always remember a woman's birthday. Never remember her age.

(I've still got two flying carpets waiting to be sold, for the record. ♥)

( [PARTY INVITATION FILTERED TO THESE RECIPIENTS] )

[ooc: not cursed, but urahara is, as per usual, making the most of the situation. he has two flying "carpets" (bamboo area rugs) for sale. they really work, and will continue to work after the curse is over.]

This is not my fault.

Probably.

However, this is a perfect opportunity to remind everyone that the Urahara Shop sells stain removers for laundry, home and even cement~♪!

Ack! They splatter. How creepy.

I'm going to need some of my employees to train as keyholders, as a forewarning. Your pay will be increased for this, but don't get a big head and think you can haggle the increase with me.

The reason being that I am now a member of your illustrious POLICE FORCE.

For any of those of you with which I am now colleagues, please treat me well. ♥

I'll be working under a boy by the name of Luke Skywalker, apparently. We ought to get to know one another slowly, Skywalker-san. We could start by asking questions.

My first question: Can you or can you not grow hair on your chin yet?

Busy, busy. Suddenly I have some things to work on that require more than a modicum of the attention span of resident genius, Urahara Kisuke. I'll make your day. I'll crawl back under my stone. You won't have to stand next to me, introduce me, talk about me, care about me.

But before I go, a riddle that some of us have already figured out:

Remember, city. Where you find the saddest smile, you'll find the brightest jewel. ♥



[ooc: obligatory 'daddy captains are gone, brb plotting, gtfo aizen' post]